So much is asked of parents, and so little is given.
~ Virginia Satir
Parenting is the most difficult job in the world, yet the most impactful.
It doesn't come with an easy to apply job description. Parents get so little help and guidance.
Not only are children society’s most valuable resource, but also our best teachers. With every interaction, they challenge us to become better versions of ourselves.
Our first grandchild is learning to share with her baby sister the undivided attention she used to get from mom and dad up until recently.
At twenty-two months of age, she does not yet have the vocabulary essential to express, with precision, her needs, wants, and feelings.
This underdeveloped skill often leads to frustration. How we react when she is frustrated will help shape who she becomes.
Children are great imitators
Children are great imitators, so give them something great to imitate.
~ Anonymous
Children learn to react based on how primary caregivers react when triggered. We must be good role models, and when we fail we have to take responsibility and make things right.
Unless it’s an emergency, there is no need to yell. The child needs to feel safe and unconditionally loved at home to venture into the world as an adult equipped to thrive.
An angry adult is pretty scary to a little child. Suppressing emotions and being “good” to avoid angering a caregiver may be a path to mental health distress later in life.
Children need to feel unconditionally loved. By praising effort and positive character development we promote more of that. Punishing and attacking character is problematic.
A child may do a bad thing, but they are not bad.
I was born two years after my older sister. It seemed she was always getting into mischief and upsetting my mother. My parents did the best they could under their circumstances. But, I learned very early in life to “be good” to feel loved. That's a lot of responsibility.
Creating healthy boundaries
Creating an atmosphere of mutual respect and consideration for boundaries can lead you to the path of personal happiness.
~ Nancy B. Urbach
I have to remind myself that, like their parents, my job is primarily to help keep our grandchildren safe, not happy.
The caregiver's job is to create healthy boundaries and have the courage to enforce them with respect and consistency.
Our daughter and son-in-law are masters at minimizing electronic use in the presence of their children. It’s impressive. Our granddaughter gets little to no screen time.
It is so tempting to give a child what they want to calm them down, especially when others are around. But, lack of consistency to avoid making a scene is confusing for the child.
Encouraging a growth mindset
It’s not that I'm so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.
~ Albert Einstein
Stepping in to do something for our granddaughter that she is struggling to do herself, sends a message that we think she is incapable of doing it.
For months she has been putting on her neck warmer, hat, coat, snow pants and boots with minimal assistance. She insists on doing it herself. At times, it is very time consuming, and easy for us to become impatient when in a rush to get out the door, but definitely worth the patience.
Sometimes help is needed to complete a task, but you’d be surprised how capable a toddler can be. We are constantly amazed.
Failing and trying again helps develop the skill set to manage disappointment.
A growth mindset that reframes challenge as an opportunity to learn will pave the way for future success. Starting early in life, when the child is sponge-like for knowledge, is optimal.
Closing thoughts
Give me a child until he is 7 and I will show you the man.
~ Aristotle
It takes fortitude to allow a child to struggle and express negative emotions.
Learning to self-soothe when frustrated is a skill that has to be mastered over time.
Developing a sense of entitlement to an unencumbered life serves no one well.
Loving children unconditionally and modelling good behaviour are essential to raising happy, healthy, and resilient children.
Recognizing that behaviour is learned, challenges us to behave better.
Doing what we can to lighten the load for young parents, while promoting self-sufficiency, is not easy to navigate, but it is a gift to all.
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