Challenged to grow

If parents want to give their children a gift, the best thing they can do is to teach their children to love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning. That way, their children don’t have to be slaves of praise. They will have a lifelong way to build and repair their own confidence.

~ Carol S. Dweck

Being praised for intelligence rather than effort, at an early age, will interfere with the development of a growth mindset.

At the age of nine, when I started school in Canada, I had not yet learned English. I could not understand the lessons taught in class. I had to go home and read the content with a dictionary to learn it. There was no one to help. The masks I wore to feel loved at home were not being a burden and excelling at school.

At that young age, I already had a history of being an accomplished student, a class leader, and an effective speaker. But in Canada, I dreaded being asked a question in class.

The fear manifested when in my first year here, a teacher, impressed by a story I wrote, encouraged me to read it to the class.

My classmates laughed when I mispronounced words. For example, I pronounced "bear" as "beer", which admittedly made the story sound funny, but it was not. Being sensitive, I felt ashamed.

From then on, when asked to read aloud in class or answer questions, fear created noise, and I demonstrated incompetence.

Having been placed in a lower grade, I felt like a failure. Because of the language barrier, it seemed safer to repeat the year than to move ahead.

In a growth mindset, challenges are exciting rather than threatening. So rather than thinking, oh, I'm going to reveal my weaknesses, you say, wow, here's a chance to grow.

~ Carol S. Dweck

Fear and shame interfered with my ability to communicate. My accent lingered. Social interaction became uncomfortable.

I could only find comfort in my books and my solitude. Henceforth, reading became my preferred way to learn and a coping mechanism.

As an aside, unexpressed anger and inability to voice my sorrow would manifest in migraines and thyroid issues later in life. Learning how we embody emotions helped in the healing process.

With regret, I have often expressed that I am not an auditory learner.

However, over the past year, having to travel long distances by car, I have finally become comfortable learning by listening. Driving has become found time to do what I love.

Where there is a will, nature finds a way.

The podcasts prompt me to do more research when time permits. Blogging is how I share what I have the privilege to learn.

Reflecting through the lens of a grandmother

Effort is one of those things that gives meaning to life. Effort means you care about something, that something is important to you and you are willing to work for it.

~ Carol S. Dweck

Through the eyes of a grandmother, I have been reminded that having been praised for being smart rather than for effort at an early age did not serve me well.

Later, fear of failure meant I was afraid to do, in public, things I had not yet developed competence in privately. Knowing my tendency to work hard to master something, I did not feel I was living up to people's expectations of being intelligent. I was ashamed to have others see how much effort I had put into excelling at something.

If I were as smart as people thought I was, why did I have to work so hard?

As Carol Dweck's research has shown, to help a child develop a growth mindset, praise effort, not intelligence.

To feel loved, to this day, I still find myself working hard behind the scenes, currently more physically than academically.

But, the lens through which I now perceive things sees challenges as opportunities for growth. I have developed a growth mindset

Today, I reframe physical labour as exercise and service for the greater good.

Gratefully, I am rewarded with good health and endurance. It is my endeavour to be an asset, never a burden.