Change your story, change your life

We all have our own story.

And we stay attached to our story.

This can stop us from growing and living.

You wanna make your life better?

Change your story, change your life.

~ Tony Robbins

It is easy to blame someone else for our demise. Anyone who has a say in what we do and how we do it can become the perceived source of our pain and inability to move forward in life.

This authority figure can be a parent, a spouse, an ex-partner, the inner critic, a teacher, a boss, a friend, a doctor, the media or politicians - to name but a few.

When we live in a place of blame, we are victims. We carry a heavy burden. The emotional pain and mental distress we experience impair our ability to function.

The weight on our shoulders has the potential to physically manifest as stored fat, joint pain, fatigue, digestive issues, headaches, heartaches, cancer or any other body issue.

We then look for external sources to help remedy or numb the affliction.

When that doesn’t work, we may diminish the competence of others or blame ourselves.

Most of us suffer because we feel we are never good enough and tend to replicate patterns we associated with love in our childhood, no matter how dysfunctional.

We attract into our lives different people at different stages of our growth and maturity

In You can heal your life, Louise Hay wrote that we choose the parents and circumstances we are born into to facilitate soul growth and transformation.

Although it took me over a decade to wrap my rational brain around her teachings when I finally did it was very empowering.

Adverse childhood events are a leading cause of suffering in adulthood, but we can change pain into purpose and prosper.

We can let go of the victim mentality and become a victor.

It can be tough to break up with our past - to let it go peacefully and be grateful for lessons learned.

To progress, we have to change the story to which we have become attached.

You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.

~ Michael McMillian

What story are you telling about yourself?

When asked who you are, what do you say?

What follows “I am____________________.”?

Following are three possible examples of stories that need upgrading.

1. I am a single mom.

2. I am the sole breadwinner in my household.

3. I am a victim of my genes or circumstances.

You are more than that.

Difficult as it may be, think about how this story has served you? What have you gained by sharing it? For example, have people been more compassionate and giving when they hear your story?

A common self-limiting thought associated with the story might be: I need to sacrifice to feel love and compassion. It could be that you only got the attention you craved when you worked hard or were sick as a child.

And how may your story be impacting others? Is it diminishing the contribution of a loved one - their ability to lighten your load? Could they be feeling inadequate or incompetent? Have they become dependent? Might they be inclined to somehow find a way to numb the pain?

How has your narrative contributed to your being stuck?

Awareness helps create change.

Closing thoughts

When you find yourself blaming your circumstances or others, take a deep breath into the belly, exhale slowly with a sigh and focus on something for which you are grateful.

Counting our blessings rather than our grievances is the first step in changing our story for a better outcome.

An attitude of gratitude is the antidote to a scarcity mindset - I am not enough.

Self-love and acceptance are the keys to positive change. Turn the victim in the story into a victor - I am capable beyond belief.

What does your attitude proclaim to the world about you today?

It is never too late to change your story, start by changing your thoughts and pay attention to your attitude.

~ Bob Proctor