Until you heal your first wounds, everyone else will hurt.
~ Ezinne Orjiako, Nkem
I grew up in a home where women outnumbered men. My father and brother were the two males in a household of eight (including my grandmother on my mother’s side).
Other than my brother, who was perfect in our eyes, men were unreliable and unworthy of trust. My mother and grandmother openly expressed their character flaws.
Generational trauma shaping who we are
Your pain didn’t start with you, but it can end with you.
~ Stephanie M. Hutchins
Although I do not yet have all the facts, three of my mother’s teenage sisters died one day in a hospital. My grandmother was there with an infected baby girl during an epidemic.
Her sons, who had come along, were sent home because they were healthy and over-consuming. The three girls who died had been healthy as well.
Grandma believed that the doctors "killed" her daughters.
Trans-generational trauma can shape who we are.
The lens through which I was conditioned to see the world made finding flaws in men, especially those in positions of power, natural.
Breaking the cycle of generational trauma is a courageous and self-liberating act to pursue.
Women raise men
To be a mother of a son is one of the most important things you can do to change the world. Raise them to respect women, raise them to stand up for others, raise them to care for the earth, and raise them to be kind, compassionate, and honest.
~ Shannon L. Alder
It is easy to forget that women raise men and are partly responsible for any perceived character flaws.
I had to do the work to overcome the victim mentality. I now believe I create my own story. I take 100% responsibility. Othering, or the us versus them mentality, serves no one well.
We can bring out the best and worst in people. To inspire change in others, we have to change ourselves.
When I feel inclined to throw a man under the bus, I pause and wonder what their upbringing must have been like. Doing so helps me show up with compassion.
The Dalai Lama once said that Western women - with their economic and reproductive freedoms - would change the world.
We have the privilege and potential to promote compassion, kindness, and cooperation, values that the Dalai Lama believes are crucial for global peace and sustainability.
We can do it.
Happy 2025. Wishing you all an abundance of health, vitality and reason to jump out of bed in the morning.
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