Dreams do come true

Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid the storm.

~ S. A. Jefferson-Wright

From a young age, I had a dream; I aspired to live in a harmonious household.

My dream home was a serene oasis that I could return to for recovery from challenges in the outside world.

As I watched The Brady Bunch and Leave it to Beaver, I longed for intellectually stimulating conversation at the dinner table, mindful conflict resolution, time to read and learn.

My childhood home did not entirely resemble my dream home. Surrounded by four siblings, my grandmother, parents, frequent guests, including overnight relatives on holidays, I often felt overwhelmed.

Mom was very social but overworked from looking after all of us and running a home daycare. She relied on my siblings and me to clean up and make the house guest worthy. The house had to be clean and organized for the weekend - a time for gathering.

As an introvert, I craved peace, quiet - recovery time. Admittedly, I occasionally hid under the bed when guests arrived.

Homework became my escape. Books became my friends. I have a clear recollection of my brother telling a friend who liked me, “Forget about it. She’s in love with her books.” He was right. Books kept me out of trouble.

Because of the household demands, I sought ways to legitimately spend as much time away from home as I could. I got involved in extracurricular activities, worked outside the home and eventually went away to university.

Traditionally, in my culture, girls did not leave home until they were married. Somehow, with the help of a guidance counsellor, I managed to get scholarships for an out of town university, leaving high school a year before my classmates. With some reservations, my parents gave me their blessing.

For me, it was a dream come true. It manifested in even bigger dreams. I made a whole new group of friends who exposed me to the bliss of cottage country.

Feeling gratitude for my upbringing

Wrapping my head around how important human connection and interaction with others are for bonding and increasing resilience, I now look back and feel gratitude for the craziness and the challenging relationships in my formative years.

Children find a way to adapt to the circumstances into which they are born. The adaptation patterns we develop as coping mechanisms serve to attract what’s familiar and what we associate with love as we age.

Repeating childhood patterns?

Now living on a property shared by extended family in the summer, sometimes I think nothing has changed. I’ve replicated patterns from the past. But, that is not entirely true.

I have managed to create a blend of time for connection and time for recovery. While the summer is busy, spring, fall and winter are quiet.

Books are still part of my escape and serenity. Spending time with my immediate family is a gift. And I appreciate the novelty and interaction with relatives as they come and go.

Wisdom comes with reflection. Writing helps.

But yes, dreams do come true. What we perceive we can achieve. I count my blessings daily.