~ Princess Diana
Is the human species less tolerant right now? If so, why?
Living in a remote location, with minimal exposure to mainstream media since mid 2020, I have been pretty sheltered from the chaos of the pandemic. I acknowledge the privilege.
This week, with increased interactions with people outside our home, I began to see a pattern of fear-based behaviours and related consequences.
When we are fearful, we become vulnerable. Barriers become breached. We overreact to triggers, be they environmental, dietary, chemical or emotional. We tend to see what’s broken.
A victim mentality arises. We blame others, or we blame circumstances.
Childhood wounds resurface. When surrounded by immediate family, we revert back to childhood roles and coping mechanisms.
Some implode, embodying their feelings, and suffering physical symptoms or disease over time.
Others explode in attempt to control others when they can’t control themselves, possibly causing harm, risking alienation or incarceration.
Operating from a place of fear or love
Recently I learned from psychologist Margaret Paul PhD, co-founder of Inner Bonding, that there are only two intents:
The intent to control, and
The intent to learn
The intent to control develops when we feel threatened. It leads to fear-based behaviours.
Feeling like our basic physiological needs for food, shelter, safety, and connection are satisfied increases our openness to learning. The intent to learn leads to empowering love-based behaviours.
Physical expression of intent to control in the body
When we don’t feel safe in our environment, we activate the fight, flight or freeze branch of the nervous system.
Doing so diverts blood flow away from the digestive, immune and reproductive systems. We become more reactive to foods because we cannot break them down completely. Vulnerability to infection increases. Fertility is diminished.
We mobilize fuel to the muscular system to fight or flee. If there is a perception that we do not have the resources to deal with the threat, we collapse or play dead.
Barriers breached in the body may include the linings of our digestive tract (leaky gut), blood-brain and respiratory tract.
With a leaky gut, we absorb undigested food fragments that may look like a body tissue.
We are more likely to experience collateral damage when we produce antibodies to neutralize the undigested food. Body tissue that has molecules similar to the undigested food complexes may become damaged as well. Autoimmune disease expression is the outcome.
With a leaky blood-brain barrier, we are susceptible to brain fog and inflammation that may manifest in whatever one’s genetic weak link is - depression, migraines, Multiple Sclerosis or other mental and cognitive impairment.
When the lining of the nasal passages and airways are not intact we become more vulnerable to respiratory infection and seasonal allergies.
Emotional expression of intent to control
We may feel the need to control others when we feel powerless because we have not set healthy boundaries in relationships or have poor sense of self-worth. Our behaviour becomes driven by fear. Hyper vigilance depletes life force.
Feeling inadequate or unworthy, we seek external sources of love and approval to fill the hole. Or we numb with substances like alcohol, junk food, drugs, shopping, gambling or promiscuity.
Sometimes control can come in the form of caregiving. We over-give to avoid feeling rejected - to feel loved.
The intent to learn increases tolerance
Like Carol Dweck’s growth mindset, the intent to learn sees challenge as an opportunity for growth and transformation.
We become more inclined to look for a silver lining; to embrace discomfort; to ask why a challenge may be happening for us versus to us.
Rather than focusing on what’s broken, we become more creative and prone to finding solutions. We are in a better position to elevate ourselves and others - tolerance increases.
Guidelines for increasing tolerance and resilience
This pandemic experience is unprecedented. With 24/7 exposure to news stories of death and devastation, uncertainty and fear prevail. Somehow we are tasked to find the courage to to learn and to do better.
I don’t have all the answers, but the following are tips that have helped my family and me to cope so far:
Consider a news-fast
Start a gratitude-journal
Meditate or pray
Spend time in nature
Look for the opportunity in challenge
Smile - fake it till you make it
Focus on solutions, not problems
Think about your default childhood behaviour to get what you wanted. Subconsciously you may still be operating that way. Is it serving you well? Awareness helps create change
Become the person you wish to attract
Remember Henry Ford’s quote:
If you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.
What we believe we can achieve. Disruption leads to innovation. We can do better and become more tolerant of ourselves and others.
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