The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of your own universe. You relinquish that position to your children.
– Jessica Lange
Yesterday morning I woke up to a text from my daughter Erica. It said that her husband had already left for work and that I was welcome anytime.
I interpreted the message as a plea for help.
Erica has not complained at all since the birth of her baby. Her selflessness has overwhelmed me. Counting her blessings and expressing gratitude have been more characteristic of her.
After reading the text, I left home within fifteen minutes with food for the day.
I arrived ten minutes later. Erica was asleep in an uncomfortable seated position with the baby on her chest. It had been a rough night, and she thought she might be getting sick.
I took the baby and rocked her to sleep. She slept on my lap on the rocking chair until 9:10 AM, facilitating some healing sleep for her mummy.
Because Erica is nursing on demand, her sleep is constantly interrupted. Lack of sleep impairs health.
The few hours of uninterrupted sleep in the morning, followed by a relaxing shower, brought Erica renewed health-restoring her optimism.
New moms need help but often fear asking
A baby is something you carry inside you for nine months, in your arms for three years and in your heart till the day you die.
– Mary Mason
Since the baby was born, I have spent most weekdays and occasional weekends helping.
I had forgotten how much work it is to care for an infant.
Dads tend to feel somewhat useless at this stage because often only the mom can feed and soothe a baby that is exclusively nursed for the first couple of months.
My job is to help with household chores and health care visits. And, to lend a helping hand during non-feeding fussy times. It is a full-time job for the two of us. We get an epic workout lifting, carrying, pacing and bouncing a baby that is gradually gaining weight.
It is a labour of love. I often feel euphoric when I leave, flooded with love hormones and occasionally some spit-up ;) It is a privilege to be in a position to help.
Closing thoughts
Having kids—the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings—is the biggest job anyone can embark on.
~ Maria Shriver
Erica is fortunate to be surrounded by loving relatives who can help.
But I have met several young moms who desperately need more support. They feel alone, depressed and overwhelmed.
It is so easy to feel inadequate when caring for a newborn.
New moms need reassurance that what they are experiencing is normal and should be encouraged to ask for help. There is no shame in it.
Many moms can hardly wait to return to work where they can go to the bathroom alone and enjoy coffee breaks and uninterrupted lunches.
If you are a new mom, you have found your superpowers. You are capable beyond belief. Truly, you are a superhero! But please, don't hesitate to ask for help.
And, Happy Father's Day weekend. New dads too are challenged to grow up overnight. They become more selfless feeling unconditional love. The love hormones inspire them to treat others with more kindness and compassion.
Society will benefit from allocating resources for attentive birthing centres, and infant, mother and father care.
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