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Writer's pictureMary Maciel Pearson

Trust but verify?


Trust is the foundation of any relationship.


~ Mike Paul


For some reason or other, whenever I hear someone say trust but verify, I feel uncomfortable. If you trust, why would you need to verify?


Along with compassionate communication, mutual respect, transparency and the ability to express vulnerability, trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship, personally and professionally.


Initially, as a relationship develops, verifying might make sense. After all, trust is earned. If the need to verify lingers, the relationship is not solid.

According to Harville Hendrix PhD, we attract into our lives relationships and circumstances that trigger us to address unresolved childhood wounds. Initially, we see only the positives we associated with our primary caregivers. But, over time, we are faced with the negative traits that challenge us to deal with repressed or suppressed emotional pain.


A lack of trust is an indication that safety and security issues need to be investigated and addressed.

  1. It could be that we have had our trust violated in the past and may feel insecure in any relationship.

  2. It could be that we attract relationships that are not trustworthy because insecurity can attract predators.

  3. It could be that we did not grow up in a safe and secure environment, that we had to become hyper-vigilant and rely on instinct to survive. This hyper-vigilance has saved humanity from the threat of extinction over time.

When we feel the need to check, it does not make sense to claim we trust. It is best to admit why we feel vulnerable, investigate and express experiences of unmet needs.


Why I have trouble trusting conventional medical treatment


Every one of us has benefited in some way from modern medicine. But my trust has been violated enough times that I have to check the veracity of claims made before complying with any intervention.


I can not yet place great trust in conventional chronic disease care. When it comes to emergency medicine, other than germ over-treatment, I embrace it. But for cardiovascular disease, diabetes, cancer, mental health, and neurological ailments, I have learned to be cautious and to question the experts.


The fact that most disease is called idiopathic (of unknown cause) implies that seldom is the underlying cause addressed in conventional care. Symptoms are merely mitigated or silenced, as in covering a warning signal in the dashboard of a car.


Verifying the safety and efficacy of a proposed medical treatment is time-consuming. More often than not, after investigating, I find a reason to seek a natural alternative. So far trusting my intuition has served me well. I have a sense of agency and competency. My immediate family members and I now feel very empowered in our ability to prevent disease and dysfunction.


Most people do not have the luxury of time nor the background knowledge to heal themselves. They have to outsource their health care. Trust between the patient and the doctor is essential to ensure success.


I do believe that health care advocates who can assist in asking the right questions and guiding the patient in the decision-making process would help save countless lives. But in my experience, the current Western medical establishment is not yet open to being questioned or held accountable.


Again I admit, that we see things as we are, not necessarily as they are. The subconscious programs from which I operate on autopilot most of the time have me focus on what’s broken and in need of repair when it comes to modern medicine.


A sad story I have not shared widely is that I lost two aunts circa the 1930s. My grandmother brought two teenage daughters to a hospital when a younger child succumbed to an infection. The older daughters were placed in isolation, and my grandmother never saw them again. She blamed the doctors and could not trust the medical system after that experience.


Trans-generational trauma can be passed on and become part of the programming from which we operate.


I heard in the news recently that Canadians who have come from eastern European countries are more hesitant to comply with current public health mandates. Because they once lived in totalitarian regimes in the former Soviet bloc where their trust was violated, they are wired to protect themselves and others from any perceived tyranny.


Public Health professionals know that through the power of thought and belief we can create well-being or dysfunction. They study the placebo and nocebo effects, the power of thought to create a positive or negative outcome. I struggle to understand why fear is used to achieve compliance. After all warning labels in cigarette boxes do not deter regular smokers. Fear increases vulnerability and the need to numb.


Having a sense of agency and autonomy is key to population health and well-being. The time has come to challenge the traditional authoritarian position of healthcare professionals and the medical industry. Being held accountable will improve outcome. Only then will trust be restored and the need to verify become less time-consuming for those of us who have learned to rely on their intuition.


Trust is the glue of life. It's the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It's the foundational principle that holds all relationships.


~ Stephen Covey








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